I'm wide awake and have a lot on my mind again. I know, it's been over a year since my last blog post so apparently my mind has been pretty light the last year or so. Or maybe I've just found other outlets besides writing on my random page on the internet. Either way, here I am to take up the quill again.
A good friend of the family posted a link on Facebook to an article about the latest craze of the day: Fifty Shades of Grey. The article was excellent, well written, and thoroughly researched. The author of the article is a Psychiatrist and it was her letter to young people warning them about the dangerous themes and lessons found in the books and movie.
Admittedly I have not, nor do I intend, to read the books or watch the movie. But, as you saw with my review on the Twilight Saga, I like to be educated before I offer my opinion. With these particular books though, I will not read them. Maybe this is a double standard, since that is the reason I read Twilight, and if it is then I am sorry. I'm not sorry for deciding not to read 50 Shades..., rather I am sorry for thinking earlier it was okay to read something I wouldn't otherwise read just so others would listen to my opinion. I fell into the trap of thinking if I read them, no one could then say to me "Your opinion doesn't matter. You're letting others judge the book for you, instead of thinking for yourself."
Well, tonight I want to apologize for doing that with Twilight last year. It's ludicrous to think that only those who actually read and/or watch something have the right to judge it as either good or evil. Where does wisdom and discernment come in if everything has to be experienced first-hand first? There are things we can know, things we can discern without having to subject our minds and hearts to things that are dangerous. And in our age of technology there are certainly countless ways to make an educated decision about 50 Shades of Grey without actually having to read it. Sure, there will be those out there that point their fingers and say, "You didn't read it, how would you know?" or "Oh look, another prude spouting off their mouth instead of shutting up and actually reading the book for a change" but frankly if that's their best comeback against well researched arguments and warnings against the movie/book, then I say "win! And thanks for proving my point!"
Honestly, that is the best and only argument fans of the book can say against some of these well researched articles. (At least that I was able to find.) After reading the above mentioned article by the Psychiatrist, I found links to more articles written about Fifty Shades of Grey. These articles were all over the place. I read some that were pro (and I have to say that most articles written by fans had more to do with how the books "changed their life in a positive way" then an actual review on the book itself), some that were neutral (these were hard to read as well because frankly it's nearly impossible to take a neutral stance on these books), and of course some that were anti.
Overwhelmingly, the anti articles were the best researched. Many were written by medical professionals, psychiatrist, and Doctors. Some were written by single mothers, some by single fathers. Some by married parents. Some by Christians, some with no apparent religious preference. There was one that actually gave 50 different examples of emotional, psychological, and physical abuse within the story.... Compare these kinds of reviews to the articles written by those who loved the story, and I was floored. The pro articles consisted of rants about feeling judged for liking the books, and how Christian Grey (the so called "hero" of the story) is every girl's dream. After all, he's rich and handsome and he's just misunderstood.... sob, sob, sob. Not a single pro article gave good, well thought out, proof-from-the-text arguments for why the story was an amazing love story. Most were defensive and often fired offensive cracks against those who didn't like the stories. The lack of evidence that there is anything redeeming about the story at all made me feel sick to my stomach. Not because I wanted the story to be "misunderstood" or "misjudged", rather because billions of people all over the world read it and think it's a great story DESPITE the lack of evidence.
ALL of the anti articles rang loud and clear and were unified in their opinion that 50 Shades of Grey should be avoided. Their conclusion: It's a story about an emotionally, psychologically, and physically abusive relationship. There is an outcry from professionals who have read the books and say so, but there is also an outcry from women and men who say the same thing. But if that were all it was then why are so many people up in arms? Surely there are lots of books out there that depict an abusive relationship?
I'll tell you why, it's because 50 Shades of Grey has successfully made abuse look sexy and enjoyable, with a side message that if it isn't then it should be. THAT is the message of the book and why there is an outcry. It's one thing to write a story about an abusive relationship, but it's completely another to glorify that relationship and make it look desirable. Beyond all the other moral reasons for not reading the story (and believe me those aren't just minor things either) the fact that the story glorifies violence on every level should be reason enough to stay away. Why would we want women, men, boys, girls, or our society thinking those things are okay? In the world of 50 Shades of Grey it's not just okay, it's apparently the height of romantic love. Whatever happened to love being gentle? Kind? Patient? Not delighting in pain? Not seeking its own? Isn't that the kind of love we should be desiring? Not the kind that seeks to inflict pain on every level...
And yet, this story has women all over the world lusting after the fictional Christian Grey? A man who cares about nothing but himself, who is manipulative, possessive, and abusive? Oh what a sick and sadistic world we live in that men like him should be the ultimate fantasy. And what of Ana? Alone, insecure, isolated from her friends and family, innocent in every way until Mr. Grey comes along, easily manipulated, made to think there is something wrong with HER instead of HIM? Somehow being like her is the epitome of womanhood?
Friends, the more I read about 50 Shades of Grey the more disheartened I become. I don't have to read the story to recognize a cycle of abuse. I have been there, trapped in emotional and psychological termoil with a young man I knew from college. I know the desire to run, the need to stay, and yes, even the trap of thinking I could somehow change him. It's a vicious scary situation that thankfully I got out of--mainly because of the love and support of friends and family. I was one of the lucky ones. My relationship only lasted a year and half, but there are women who are stuck in it for decades. Some never get out. To earn the truth, most abusive relationships end with someone dead and the other in prison. It's not a happy thing, and it's not something to romanticize.
The warning signs are everywhere. You don't have to know first-hand the cycle of abuse to see them. There are people all over the Internet, all over the world beseeching us to listen to their warnings. If you don't believe me, then believe the others out there who are rising up against this story and saying, "No, this is not something I want to be thinking on, engaging in. This is not something to encourage, this is NOT love, this is something that needs to die." Do some research, think long and hard about the books you are allowing into your home. Ideas can be dangerous and we shouldn't be allowing ones like this any kind of foothold. Please, exercise wisdom and discernment and recognize the warning signs for what they are. 50 Shades of Grey is toxic, there are professionals out there who agree. The warning signs are everywhere, even within the story itself. But I beg you, don't look there to find them. Look to friends and family who love you, and believe their wisdom. Look to the experience of those who have actually lived through something like 50 Shades of Grey and trust them more then anyone who says they read the book and loved it... a sure sign they missed the warning signs themselves. Why trust their opinion when they can't see it either?
And finally, pray for our society and our culture... pray that God will give us eyes to see and ears to hear so that we can turn away from stories that glorify violence. Pray that we will turn back to God and glorify Him, for He is praiseworthy!
